Portending Signs

I don’t have a good feeling about this cycle – and we haven’t even really started.  I know that’s a terrible mindset to have – positive thinking and all – but I just keeping getting weird vibes (and I’m not a vibe kind of gal) that this timing isn’t meant to be.

We got our BFN on 12/19 (Merry Christmas) and our WTF meeting on January 2 (Happy New Year).  At that appointment, our RE, whom henceforth I shall refer to as Dr. Yacht* was very reassuring.  We learned a lot…blah blah blah.  When we asked about timing for trying again, he felt that it would be fine for us to try for the February cycle**.  I told him I was on CD 15, and he said – no problem.  We’ll just skip OCP’s and start you on Lupron on CD 21, and we’re good to go.

Well, fast forward a couple of days to Cycle 20 – no Lupron has arrived.  I was out of town for work, so LG phoned the clinic to make sure the order had been placed and was on its way.  We were assured yesiree, everything was fine.  I went in on CD 21 for bloodwork and at LG’s insistence (he wishes I would push the doctors and nurses much harder for answers), we waited to talk to our nurse to double check since we still hadn’t heard  from the pharmacy, which is out of state.  Whoopsie – no order had been placed and now the pharmacy we have to use for insurance couldn’t get it to us in time.  So…I had to stay home from work, make a million phone calls, and finally take 2 buses to a local pharmacist (who apparently just does fertility and veterinary compounds…weird), to get the Lupron in order to start it that night as scheduled.  This caused the first flutter of hesitation – maybe we’re trying to do this too soon.

Then, I got the stim schedule from our IVF coordinator, whom LG and I call Little Miss Sunshine, because she is anything but.  Sometime, I’ll write the story of our first IVF consult.  Good times.  The schedule is clearly wrong because it has me taking OCP’s until late January then starting Lupron (which, incidentally, I had started 4 days previously).  Bad sign #2 – nobody seems to know what the hell protocol we’re doing.  I e-mailed her to clarify, but of course heard nothing back.  Fortunately, Dr. Yacht’s nurses are pretty great at responding, so I e-mailed one of them and she told me no problem – keep on with the Lupron and then call when you get your period.

That brings us to bad sign #3.  Oh, AF…where are you?  I am now closing in on Day 34 with nary a stomach cramp or sore boob in sight.  Of course, I am traveling next week Monday through Wednesday, so with my luck it will start today making me completely miss the window for the Day 3 workup.  Not liking this, folks.

I know these are small things, but they all contribute to this nagging sense that the stars just aren’t aligned this go around.  I’m trying to break that cycle of thought, because I know it does me no good, but it keeps rattling around in there.  I have a little retail therapy planned for today – doing my part for the economy, you know – maybe that will help.

*I really do like our RE, but whenever I see him, I always flash to a scene of a dapper (and very tan) guy dressed in white pants, topsiders, and a bright-colored polo shirt disembarking from his 80-foot yacht to go see the adoring ladies of his clinic.  (The yacht that I and my fellow clinic compadres are most likely funding.)

**For some reason I’ve yet to figure out, my clinic forces everyone to the same schedule.  ER’s and ET’s are only done 1 week a month so they get everyone on the same schedule via luck and hormones.  If your cycle doesn’t cooperate that month – you’re screwed until the next window.  Does anyone else’s clinic take this approach? Do you know why they do that?  Is it some medical philosophy – or for convenience sake (for the doctors that is)?

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3 Responses

  1. Hey there,

    Came over from Cycle Sistas, we’re on a Jan/Feb cycle as well. Hope everything gets settled down for you so you can go into your cycle with a calmer mindset.

  2. I found your blog through Lost and Found. Welcome to blogging. I feel the same way about my RE’s office sometimes. They don’t seem very organized, but then I am a super organized accountant, so I’m not sure if I’m a good judge. It is so frustrating though.

    Good luck. I will be following your journey!!!

  3. Hey! Thanks, too, for your comment!

    Well, I must admit that in the two clinics I’ve been to, they don’t force everyone onto the same schedule. I find that a little weird, but I’m sure they have it all worked out. I suspect that, yes, it’s for the convenience of the doctors and staff and everything, and maybe they can keep better track of what’s going on when it’s kind of going on for everyone.

    I absolutely HATE when they are disorganized and not getting things right. When you’re trusting them with everything that’s important to you and spending tons of money and they start messing stuff up, it just feels like you’re not being taken care of–a really awful feeling. Don’t get too down about this cycle. It often seems like the ones that seem to be the bumpiest end up being the successful ones. You just have no idea at this point. If your doctor is monitoring and making sure things go as they should, and you trust him, then I’m sure it’s fine. These things are not, as they say, an exact science, I’ve learned.

    I just have to say that your husband is again reminding me very much of mine. I have learned to ask a LOT more questions of doctors and nurses because I know I’ll be interrogated by him afterward, and I hate not having a response. So basically I now try and think of everything he would want to know and try and get the question out there, but sometimes it’s hard, and of course without him being there he can’t really understand why the situation wasn’t appropriate for asking this or that question. It’s a real balancing act, but I definitely like that he has given me more confidence to ask picky questions.

    I’m sure your period will start soon… unless you’re already pregnant…? Stranger things have happened…

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