Breaking up with Facebook

Despite the fact that if I successfully fall pregnant I will qualify for the Advanced Maternal Age sticker (where’s my discount at Denny’s?), I joined the ranks of Facebook about six months ago.  I did so mostly to keep in touch with my classmates from graduate school, but quickly fell into friends collecting mode.  As a result, I’m now connected with many people from high school and college – the vast majority of whom I had a passing acquaintance with at best.  But now, I’m treated to all the flotsam and jetsam of their daily lives.  There have certainly been some fun discoveries along the way like learning how people have changed (or not) over the years, seeing what people have chosen as professions and personal pursuits, and finding out who possesses a rapier wit.

But….I think it’s time for a Facebook timeout.  Lately, it feels that Facebook is conspiring to poke at my soft spots.   A couple of examples:

Point me to the nerds table

I know I’m not unique in this (cue Breakfast Club), but high school was a really tough time for me.  I’m not naturally athletic, outgoing, perky, pretty or any of those other things that give you safe passage through the high school years.  I guess some would say I fell into the “smart kids” category, but truth be told, while I could find purchase in that crowd, there were so many others far beyond me (as reinforced by their fabulous careers Facebook keeps me up to speed on) that that certainly wasn’t identity making.  The biggest thing I was in high school was shy.  The first couple of years I had a small group that I could call friends – mostly drama club buddies (Go Thespians!), but even then I was on the perimeter.  After my sophomore year, I left school due to a serious illness that caused a long hospitalization.  I came back in spurts my junior and senior year, but for the most part I was out of school and graduated through home study.  During the times I was gone, my friends moved on in the way that people do, so when I was there I felt even more adrift.

Now, I’m connected to a fair amount of people from high school and even those to whom I’m not, I’m treated to details of their lives as they leave wall comments and whatnot on those that I can see.  I feel like the outsider all over again.  So many of them have kept in touch and seem to have fine memories of those 4 years.  Facebook has suggested people I might know for me to befriend, and I don’t do so because I’m scared they won’t remember who I am or worse yet, do remember and chose not to click accept leading to that same feeling of isolation and rejection I felt lo so many years ago.  And I thought I’d come so far…

Yes, yes, I’d love to see pictures of your kids

Even better than reliving my Not-So-Wonder-Years, is the constant barrage of kid pics, crazy kid updates, maternal commiserations, and now my new favorite…the little meme going around where mommies wax poetic about the birth of their first born.  One person – who doesn’t know we’re smackdab in the middle of our second IVF, but does know that we don’t have children – even tagged me!

Once I’m there, though, I can’t turn away.  I look at all the pictures one by one by one.  I follow the fascinating progression of potty training (thanks, sis!), and I read through the “My First Born” postings all with a pit in my stomach.

So, Facebook, the time has come for us to take a break.  It’s not you, it’s me.  Just bad timing.  Maybe in another time and place.


11 Responses

  1. i know! i’m also suprised by the people who are friends who i never would have expected. and you can see the people who just want to have like 1000 friends or something. it sometimes feels like a popularity contest all over again….

  2. I’ve been thinking about a much needed facebook break too! All the baby photo updates are starting to drive me crazy – but I just can’t resist. It’s like self inflicted torture! 🙂

  3. thinking about you for tomorrow and this weekend. i hope things go well.

    hugs!! xoxo

  4. Good luck tomorrow!

  5. I’m thinking about you today! Hope your ER goes well!!


  6. I have a love hate relationship with Facebook.

  7. I agree w/facebook..I’ve been on under pseudonym for almost a year, but I just outed myself and semi-regret it now. Everyone I went to high school with is on their 2nd or 3rd child and it’s like a car crash..I want to stop looking but I just absolutely cannot. Maybe a few more days of torture and then take a break..I don’t know. But I feel your pain. And good luck w/your ER!!!

  8. I thought high school sucked. But I like looking on facebook at the girls who were perfect and mean to me in high school – as most of them married their stupid high school boyfriends and now have really big bums. Thank you facebook. and mean girls. for getting big ole butts.

  9. I hear you — I definitely have to be in the right mood to venture over to FB. I am frankly tired of hearing the boring day-to-day of girls who may have been popular in HS but from all appearances are just as single-dimensional today as they were back then. So many of them stayed in my hometown and I would still rather be me, even with the infertility!

    Thanks so much for the comment you left on my blog about courage — I am going to keep that quote tucked away too. I wish you all the best with your ET today!

  10. Yeah, I hear ya. Most of the people I went to school with have pictures posted f their kids instead of themselves.

    But I live in the land of Facebook (my fiace works literally a block from where Facebook is headquartered), and so Facebook is a bit overly-important here. So I can’t ditch it.

  11. I couldn’t agree with you more on the reasons for not doing Facebook! I do not look back fondly on my high school years and can’t imagine that anyone I knew then would remember me – that fear keeps me from even singing up an account bc I don’t want to experience that rejection again.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog and for lending me your support. I am catching up with your posts and saw that you did have the retrieval as planned. I am praying for your embies to make it to transfer, hopefully they will exceed expectations and make it to day five! Get some good rest and enjoy your IVF kit (another good idea!)

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