Somewhere between Agony, Optimism, and Prayer

Yesterday’s retrieval went off without a hitch.  I’m feeling much better today than I did last time when I had symptoms of OHSS and was in pretty severe pain the following day.  That is…until we got the call from the clinic this morning with the results.

My issue is not producing eggs…in fact, my one little ovary goes into overdrive with the slightest stimulation.  The problem appears to be the quality of those eggs and then the resulting fertilization rates.   Dr. Yacht retrieved 17 eggs.  Of those, only 9 were suitable for fertilization, and of those 9, 4 fertilized abnormally, 2 didn’t at all, leaving us with 3 that we’re watching.  We had really hoped to get to a Day 5 transfer (and have some left to freeze…we’re greedy that way), but now we’re looking at a Day 3 where they will transfer whatever makes it that far.  Last time, 2 of our 5 embryos arrested, so I’m praying we fare better this time.

The title of this post comes from a Season 1 episode of Brothers & Sisters*.   The situation in which it’s used has nothing to do with infertility; rather, it deals with the vulnerability of a marriage.  In the scene, the therapist says to one of the characters:

“With your pain, there is hope and that is where you are…somewhere between agony and optimism and prayer.”

The words struck me as such an apt description of exactly how I feel today.  I’m still holding out hope and to the notion that “it only takes one.”  I’m  praying that our 3 little guys make it to Tuesday, so I can welcome them inside me.  I can’t bear to think of the alternative, so right now, I’m not.

*I’ve fallen into the routine of creating an “IVF Kit” for myself for the retrieval/transfer week.  The kit for IVF #2 consists of:  J.elly B.ellies, DVDs of Brothers & Sisters and Sports Night (best show ever…cancelled way too early), and the book Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jennifer Lancaster.  If you haven’t read it, it’s hilarious!  I was laughing out loud as we waited in the clinic yesterday.  Completely inappropriate, I know, but so so funny.

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6 Responses

  1. glad that you are feeling better after the ER. I wish that more would have done better, too. That is generally the case with us, too. last cycle by the time we got to ET, we only had 3 that were still dividing and they were VERY behind! this time was better, but still i feel that if they were able to get 25 eggs, we should have more stuff to work with! how come that damn lady in california has 6 embryos to transfer at a time…but we have issues??

    i like the idea of you ivf kit 🙂 i’m going to have to read that book!!

    hang in there. the waiting is the worst part. take care of yoursef.

  2. Glad that the retrieval went smoothly, but sorry to hear that the fertilization didn’t go as hoped.

    The clinic waiting room can use some laughter!

  3. I’m sorry your numbers sucked so royally… I know that feeling too well. I’ll be thinking about you and your embryos, that they ALL make it to transfer.

  4. the ivf kit is a great idea. I hope you can find peace during this time of waiting.

  5. I just found you through cyclesista. I am one day behind you(ER was yesterday). I’m also 37 and IVF #2.
    Brothers and Sisters is awesome.
    I hope your embryos grow well.

  6. Congrats on your ER…it may not have been what you hoped but hang in there. Just making it to ER is a big step.

    I too have one ovary…here’s to pinning all our hopes!

    ~nicole
    all grown up

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