Put Me in Coach

Through the use of blunt force (i.e. Provera), AF has finally arrived – officially clocking in at 49 days.   I have a date with my friendly wand wielder on Friday and then will most likely start BCPs on Saturday in preparation for a June transfer.  There’s quite a bit going on with me on the job front*, and LG asked if we wanted to postpone our next cycle until September, but no.  The break has done me well and I’m ready – even excited.  (Contrast that to IVF #2.)   As I told him, we can wait until September – still not have things figured out, which knowing us is the most likely outcome – and just be that much further along on the advanced maternal age parade route.

So, I’m back in the game.

* I unsuccessfully tried to resign yesterday.  Unsuccessful because I never actually used the words “I” and “resign.” I managed to talk all around it, without ever saying it.  Chicken = me.   My boss is very much aware of what’s going on with me personally and has been very supportive.  (Frankly, if I were she I’d have much less patience as, much as I hate to admit it,  my personal struggles are clearly affecting my work at least on some level.)    I truly believe my issues with the job are a result of the company culture combined with the fact that I’m just burnt out in HR in general.  She, however,  attributes my inability to just ride things out to my “understandable but heightened emotional state.”  I think the reason I can’t bring myself to flat out quit is because I’m afraid that she might be right – at least a little bit.  I’m also afraid of financial ruin, but that’s another topic.   I usually am pretty decisive, and yet I’m really having a hard time pulling the trigger.  I got my FMLA approved, so I’ll be taking all of June off.  Perhaps that will help give me some perspective.

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6 Responses

  1. Hi! Glad that AF arrived, and that you next cycle is on it’s way. I quit my job in November, and have not regretted it, even though it was a great paying job that I had for 17 years! the whole change in company culture along with the stress of my MCs was all mixed together and I feared I would regret it later….i didn’t. the majority of my stress i found was work, the grief was the MCs….over all I am happy with my decision, but it took my a long time to get there. Good luck with your decision! you’ll figure out what to do.

  2. it’s so hard to quit anything…. i think that being off for a month on fmla will be helpful and you can decide after that what you want to do 🙂

    xoxo

  3. I agree. Some time off will hopefully give you perspective. Thank goodness AF finally came! She’s such a tricky one: shows up when you don’t want her to and plays hard to get (literally) when you do…

  4. OMG — “advanced maternal age.” I gasped audibly when that term was dropped on me. Best of luck with this next cycle. I understand.

  5. Sending you lots of luck for your upcoming cycle!

  6. Welcome back to the game — it sounds like you’re ready to rock and roll!

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