Changing Tides

So, um….seems I’m pregnant. LG and I have been living in a bit of a fog for several days as the news sinks in, which is why this post is slow in coming (and scattered). Once our TTC journey started, I fantasized (at times endlessly) about finding out that we were pregnant and how I would react in that moment. It was always a variation on a theme of exuberant celebration and relief. The reality has been incredibly powerful and moving but different – more muted than I’d expected. The celebration is there (and building now that I’m slowly bouncing back from the OHSS), but not the relief. It seems we still live in anticipation of the next phone call and doctor’s visit. Are the betas doubling? Will I need to be hospitalized from the OHSS? (So far, doesn’t look like it – so I’m very grateful for that. They drained 2 liters last Saturday and while there’s been some buildup again and my left ovary is enormous, it appears to be manageable with copious amounts of gatorade (gag) and what basically amounts to bed rest at home.)

We now have 3 betas under our belt and LG and I are finally able to breathe and take in the magnitude of the moment. We are equal parts thrilled, scared, delighted, and guarded. I finally told my mom and sister yesterday, and I think it was their reaction that finally helped me break through the fog. My mom was traveling, and I caught her in the baggage claim at the San Francisco airport. I asked her how she’d feel about becoming a grandma again. She immediately started crying! My sister offered to send all her What to Expect and other pregnancy books, but I’ve asked her to hold off until we hear the heartbeat. I convinced LG (who is typically more secretive than a CIA agent…left to his own devices he wouldn’t tell people about the pregnancy until we brought the baby home) to tell his sister. Partly because she wanted us to go to the 4th of July fireworks in our city, which I wanted no part of given the way I feel, but mostly because I think it’s important for him to have someone that’s “his” that he can talk to when he needs an outlet. She was thrilled, and I think he was surprised by how good it felt to share the news. The only other person who knows is my boss because I called to tell her that I’m taking another week of off work due to the OHSS. She actually got choked up when she heard the news! As much as I dislike my job, I’m so lucky to have someone so understanding as my manager. Assuming I can hold out (yeah, right…who am I kidding), we won’t tell anyone else (other than you guys, of course) until after the proverbial 1st trimester.

So, since ART is a science of numbers, here’s the pertinent info:

9dp5dt / 14dpo – HCG = 228, Prog = 142
12dp5dt / 17dpo – HCG = 818, Prog = 179
14dp5dt / 19dpo – HCG = 1845, Prog over 200

The progesterone numbers freak me out a bit, but the nurse said they can sometimes be elevated in people with OHSS.

We go back in on Monday for an OHSS ultrasound and another beta and then on Wednesday for our 1st OB scan at 5w5d. That seems a bit early based on what I’ve read, but hopefully we’ll be able to see something.

I never thought we’d get here. I’m thrilled that we did and hanging on very tight for the rest of the ride.