The Fertility Shuffle

Many many thanks to all those who’ve commented on my last post and given us great vacation ideas.  Even though, as Erica said, I hope we don’t end up taking it – at least not as a consolation prize for a BFN – having it to think about and plan keeps me in a more positive frame of mind than I think I would be otherwise.  Weird how the mind works.

While I’m trying to remind myself that it’s still early (only 5 days into stims), I’m not too encouraged with this cycle so far.  Nothing new, there.  For many reasons, it’s never felt quite right – mostly because I think we rushed into it too quickly after our first failed IVF.   As of yesterday, only 4 follicles (versus 12 at this same point last time around) and one seriously outpacing the others making cancellation a possibility.  I go back in tomorrow for another turn at the cam/vampire wheel, so I’m hoping to get more encouraging news.

In the meantime I thought I’d follow Sarah‘s lead and have a little I.Tunes inspired fertility fun.   Here’s how it works:

Skip through your randomized playlist, and each consecutive song that comes up is the answer to the following questions in order:

1. The song for the you that existed before you ever thought about your fertility:
Whenever You’re Ready – Mary Chapin Carpenter  (Wow – that hits home.  Back before all of this, I thought the only thing stopping me from having a child was the always trusty Life.style condoms.  That the minute I was ready from a relationship and financial standpoint, I’d throw away the birth control, maybe wait a month or so, and then I’d join my fellow high school and college friends posting pictures of my offspring on Facebook.)

2. Would you really want to go back and be that person again?
The Flower that Shattered the Stone – John Denver  (Must say, this isn’t one of my favorite John Denver songs (this came in the later years when I think he was trying to update his image or something), but I do think it’s appropriate here as the song is about hope in the face of any obstacle.  I do wish I could get that back.)

3. The song for when you first started fertility treatments:
I’m All Alone – Spamalot Cast Recording (So true until I discovered all of you guys!)

4. What did infertility do to your sex life?
What Does a Man Do – Assassins Cast Recording (Heh…LG wouldn’t be happy to see this come up!  I do think it’s apropos though as infertility sex is all too often just about the mechanics.)

5. What about superstitions and fertility rituals?
A Little Bit of Good – Chicago Cast Recording (I guess I agree…I don’t tend to get too caught up in superstitions or other rituals.  That being said, I am hanging on a little bit to what I hope might be a sign…LG’s mother passed away suddenly about 3 years ago just a few weeks before he graduated from grad school.   The day after he took the professional exam required for his profession, a plant that his mother had gotten for him produced a single flower for the first and only time…until this week.  I am holding on to the thought that his mom is sending a little love and hope our way.)

6. How about “alternative” treatments, from cough syrup and pineapple to acupuncture and ‘body workers’?
Holding to the Ground – Falsettoland Cast Recording  (Haven’t tried any of them yet, although I think acupuncture has something going for it and may get there yet).

7. How do you feel about coming out of the IF closet?
Make the Most of Your Music – Stephen Sondheim Album.  (Ah, perfect.  As I’ve written about before, I’ve been pretty open about things.  I haven’t shared it with my extended family, but most people I work with on a day to day basis know.)

8. Your song for other people’s baby showers:
On the Street – Rent Cast Recording (Where I’d rather be.  Truth be told, this isn’t really a problem for me.  All of my friends live in other states and they’re well past baby shower stages.  If anything, I’d be invited to go to piano recitals or soccer games. )

9. What about our scary friend hope?
The First Cut is the Deepest – Sheryl Crow (OK, I must admit I cheated on this one.  The song that actually came up was O Come O Come Emmanuel but I didn’t know what to do with that, so I spun again, and honest to Pete this is what I got.  The title says it all.)

10. And lastly, the theme song of your fertility journey:
Ten Day Heartbreak – Steven Schwartz (If this was called the “14 day heartbreak”, it would be perfect.  I feel like so much of my life is spent on a roller coaster broken into 2 week spans.)

I should note that in addition to John Denver, I’m also a musical theatre freak.  I know you guys are thinking I’m about one post away from starting with “This one time – at band camp…”  Anyway, I couldn’t help be struck by the fact that I have about 3500 songs loaded and of the 10 that came up, 7 were either cast recordings or Broadway composers.  You can imagine how thrilled LG is when I’m in charge of music selections!

Thanks, Sarah, for the idea.  That was fun!  I’d love to see what others come up with.